gilbo
2019 Group
Posts: 1,446
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Post by gilbo on Sept 19, 2014 15:42:18 GMT
Mission Report Submitted by Max Grossman OR "The Glob Blog"
I RECORD VOICE TO SAY WHAT WE HAVE DONE. CAN YOU HEAR ME? IS THIS FUCKING MACHINE WORKING?!
SO DOCTOR DESTROYER MAN SAYS GO AND HELP SO I AM HELPING AND THERE IS BUNCH OF FUCKWITS WHO ARE FUCKING USELESS. THERE IS LITTLE GIRL AND PRETTY BOY AND FUCKING NUTCASE WHO MAKES WEIRD SHIT AND SCARY GUY CALLED NUMBER 2 OR SOMETHING AND MY FUCKING LITTLE BROTHER AND A TWAT ON A BIKE.
WE ALL GO TO BIG SHIP AND KILL SHARK MEN AND GET A SUBMARINE. THE SUB IS EXCELLENT AS THERE IS GOOD FOOD THERE BUT THEY WILL NOT DELIVER PIZZA EVEN THOUGH I TELL THEM WHERE IT IS AND IT IS PARKED AT BOTTOM OF SEA. SO TO GET PIZZA WE HAVE TO GO TO LAND. WE ARE ALL GOING TO SHOP EXCEPT BIKE TWAT MAN WHO WATCHES FISH PORN IN ROOM AND PRETTY BOY WHO IS STUCK TO WALL AND DEAD. WHEN WE GET THERE NUTJOB SAYS THERE IS PIZZA SHOP BUT HE LIES AND IT IS REALLY BANK. NUTJOB AND LITTLE GIRL ROB BANK WHILE OTHERS GET BEER AND SNACKS. MY BRO SHAKES HAND WITH BEER SHOP MAN AND HE DIES AND NUMBER 2 EATS HIM. I GET BEER. NUTJOB AND GIRL ROB BANK AND OTHERS WATCH WHILE I LOOK FOR PIZZA. NO PIZZA SHOP BUT EXCELLENT BURGER VAN MAN GIVES ME GRANDMOTHERFUCKER BURGER WHICH IS VERY GOOD BURGER. WE ALL GO BACK TO SUB.
PRETTY BOY WAKES UP AND TURNS OUT NOT TO BE DEAD. HE GIVES ME MAGIC CARD WHICH YOU CAN WAVE AT SHOP AND THEY GIVE YOU FOOD. I GO BACK AND GET PLENTY GOOD FOOD.
WE GET MESSAGE FROM DOCTOR MAN TO SAY SHARK MEN HAVE BIG MUTANT DOG THINGS IN LAB THAT CAN FIND US AND KILL US. WE HAVE TO FIND LAB AND SMASH IT UP AND KILL EVERYONE. WE GO TO DO THAT NOW.
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Post by brumguvnor on Sept 22, 2014 7:53:15 GMT
oh lordy - in character synopsis now is it?!
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gilbo
2019 Group
Posts: 1,446
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Post by gilbo on Sept 22, 2014 9:14:21 GMT
Especially for you James.
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Post by brumguvnor on Sept 22, 2014 10:54:39 GMT
nearly had a coffee-keyboard-nasal interface incident when I read this!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2014 0:19:31 GMT
Oooh, in character synopsis, maybe I'll give it a try, mwahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah....
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Post by brumguvnor on Oct 3, 2014 12:47:12 GMT
Mission report: by Tannhauser / the Legbreaker
[Clamps cigar in mouth, lights it and blows out a big cloud of smoke] Jesus wept: this is the sorry strands o'shite I have to work with? The fat one put his nose into a slop bucket and didn't lift it out the whole day. His emo-wannabe brother wasn't much help either... - firing off heavily modded shotguns in the middle of the day in the middle of the street whilst we are supposed to be "stealthily" finding this secret laboratory? - give me strength.
And if that bloody mad scientist ever points a gun at me again I swear I am going to mind control him into butt-fucking a Visori. Shooting up civilians is one thing - and not always necessary at that - but you point a gun at me you better be ready for the consequences.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only professional around here.. - the Summoner seems to know what he's about though, but was far too pre-ocupied with some party or other with his rich arsehole mates to concentrate on the job in hand. That Seven though - he keeps himself to himself and he got some good work done in the sewers locating that secret door to the lab... - after I'd done all the legwork of narrowing down what block the fecking place was on of course. Pity he seems so fucked up by the Visori... - but that could be useful: fuelling his hate and all that.
All I gotta do now is convince them to NOT attack the bloody place whilst the Visori are on a heightened state of alert - and also convince them not to attack through the almost-certainly heavily defended door in the sewers - and then also convince them to NOT split up and try and co-ordinate some fancy multi-pronged attack like they see on the history channel. Here's a hint guys: that works with highly trained and motivated special forces who train for one attack for weeks at a time. With a bunch of sociopathic, murderous, supervillains who've never worked together before? - fuck THAT! - we go in all at once, stick together, kill everything that moves, burn the place to the ground and get out.
In some ways it might actually be a good thing for one of these slackers to get their head blown off; it'd show them this is for real and getting the job done is the only priority.
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Post by Faye on Oct 11, 2014 12:55:53 GMT
Dear diary. So i come back to find they managed to find the lab after all - :{) !! wasn't really expecting them to have got past shooting the homeless... Dr Not a very nice man at all made an exploderising gun, which wasn't at all up to the job of getting the door open. They'd managed to kill someone related up top as the worlds most ineffective diversion - so i daresay they'll be evacuating upstairs - we need to get a shift on with this. Euth managed to make a hole in the door, so i went inside and put the puppies out of their misery, puppies don't belong in cages, and I would like to say categorically and for the record I am against animal testing, and from the look of the big bugger, they've been testing plenty - so today i am channelling super-PETA. Gosh, that was a lot of commas. there were some of the tin men in the lab, and a couple of sharkfellows, so i stopped them with bonnie and clyde. someone was titting around with a dinky wee knife, so i figured an object lesson in thropening (throat opening) was called for, and i dont use my sword often enough - notheing says knight in shining armour like a sword that sings. Hail the conwuering heroine ! Now i know i am having to work with some bad guys for the greater good - but seriously - what has happened to villains! in my day they at least had an odd charm - a schtick and were bumblingly competent. Number seven, who i am sure was named after the signature channel fragrance, showing some excellent taste by his creators, lobbed some grenades to good effect, and Euth is pretty good at taking direction when he isn't needlessly slaughtering the helpless - i mean he melted down the puppies so they couldnt be rejiggered by the evil scientists. some idiot kept opening the doors earlier than planned - and i would be more grumpy about this, but it did push the others on - they tend to finangle about and not do a lot other than waiting, and watching, although sometimes it feels like they couldnt evil their way out of a paper bag - a lack of common sense, common decency and common courtesy - maybe they're all toffs, not just mr look its a yeti from nowhere at all. but anyway, enough about that - some tinmen tried to kill someone through a wall, so i popped one into his opposite number, grenade grenade shooty shooty and its off to the lifts - xXx Faye <kK> xXx
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gilbo
2019 Group
Posts: 1,446
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Post by gilbo on Feb 6, 2015 17:22:08 GMT
Mission Report Submitted by Max Grossman OR "The Glob Blog"
ARE YOU LISTENING MACHINE? I AM TELLING YOU ABOUT MISSION.
WE ARE IN SEWERS LOOKING FOR TERRYS MACHINE. WE ASK UNDERGROUND SEWER PEOPLE WHERE IS IT BUT THEY DON'T TELL US EVEN THOUGH WE ASK NICE. PRETTY BOY GETS CAUGHT BY THEM BUT WE HAVE WOMAN ONE. THERE IS FIGHT. LITTLE BROTHER RUNS ROUND AND SLAPS THEM TILL THEY DIE. I THROW PLENTY GLUE WHICH IS STICKING THEM GOOD. TWAT BIKE MAN SHOUTS AT THEM A BIT. PRETTY BOY HIDES COS HE IS SHIT BUT HE DID GIVE ME MAGIC CARD SO HE IS SOMETIMES NOT SHIT. SOON THEY ARE ALL DEAD OR GONE EXCEPT ONE. WE ASK ABOUT MACHINE BUT HE SAYS HE NOT KNOW. THEN MORE COME. THERE ARE MANY BUT THEY ONLY HAVE GUNS AND STICKS. WE SAY WE WILL KILL ALL THEM BUT THEN BIKE TWAT SAYS HE WILL GIVE THEM GUNS AND FOOD IF THEY SHOW US TERRYS MACHINE.
WE GO TO GET STUFF. PRETTY BOY AND BIKE TWAT SAY THEY CAN GET STUFF BUT MY LITTLE BROTHER IS FASTER AS HE GOES TO BUBBAS GUN SHOP AND BUYS PLENTY GUNS WITH CASH. HE NOT EVEN KILL ANYONE. ME THINK MY BROTHER IS GROWING UP SOME. BURGER VAN MAN IS NOW EVERYWHERE I GO WHICH IS GOOD. AND HE TAKE MAGIC CARD. I TRY BURGER WITH LETTUCE BUT NOT AS GOOD AS WITH NO LETTUCE. I GET GRANMOTHERFUCKER BURGER WHICH IS BEST BURGER. MISSION IS SUCCESS.
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